Impatience

While I can be quite patient with people, helping them learn something new or calmly waiting for something, I still have a lot of impatience in me. I'm now in a phase of my life where I've identified a major roadblock to success, happiness and perhaps most of all, peacefulness. It's something that can be fixed. But it's going to take a lot of time and work. I'm not used to pouring a lot of time and work into things. I like to find the fastest, most efficient way to do things, and then have it be done.

My fence is still not painted. My deck may need painted even more. There's trim work left to be done in the basement. My exercise pattern is still sporadic.

In addition to this road ahead, I'm still in a grieving process, moving on from my last relationship. I find it very difficult. There are plenty of bad habits to fall into, including thought patterns. I struggle with these things. I struggle with emotions. I struggle with feeling discontent just sitting here alone.

Perhaps it is a bit of a waste of life to do so, though. Perhaps I do need to find fruitful activities. I need to visit friends, help out family and keep myself moving. Should I really just be sitting here, reading or watching TV or waiting for something exciting to happen on Facebook? Why aren't I making myself get better at putting time and work into things like running, lifting weights, and exploring interests like hiking? Why aren't I writing more? (Maybe that's why I'm doing this right now!)

Independence is some kind of state of mind where you're okay with yourself, and able to make the most of your life without someone else grabbing your hand and leading you where to go. As much as I am a somewhat responsible, successful adult, maybe I lack the level of independence I really need to have. I am sure I hide that well, but I can't hide it from myself. Maybe if I become more independent, patience will come along for the ride.